- police: *knock knock*
- me: whos there
- police: theres been an accident
- me: theres been an accident who
partybarackisinthehousetonight:
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nayx:
if there are humans on another planet we gotta pretend that we’re all named Carl when we meet them. we need to troll them hard
partybarackisinthehousetonight:
yes i’m very good in bed. excellent in bed. *props up pillows and folds blankets* *pillow falls over* uh *sweats nervously* this doesn’t usually happen i promise
partybarackisinthehousetonight:
hard to believe mcdonalds bought tumblr
Roll me up in a blanket like a burrito and kiss me
if i ever met a genie i wouldnt wish for a million dollars id wish that whenever i bought something i’d always have the right amount of money to pay for it in my pocket
you are one of the great thinkers of our time
Then you’d look at a house and be like “oh damn I wanna live there” and millions of dollars would be in your pockets, crushing and killing you instantly
thats why you have to make sure you have huge pockets before you go house shopping duh
when mcdonalds accidentally gives you an extra chicken nugget
mr steal yo mechanical pencil
